In A Fight For God is a post from: Self Improvement Made Easy

In actual fact, your self image is just that – an image or, more correctly, a collection of images, a little like the traditional family photo album. You learn who you think you are through what psychology terms “snapshot learning”. During your childhood, or formative years, when you were young and impressionable, the events that made you feel or good or bad about yourself were, quite literally, impressed upon your subconscious mind. Those events, and how you felt about yourself as a consequence, were “snapped” by your open, sponge-like, mind. After that, they settled into your subconscious mind where they remain to this day as your key reference points for how you behave and view yourself now, as an adult.

In other words, your self image is not real – it is the result of what others did for you or to you when you were young and impressionable. Now, given that psychological research confirms that the normal adult tends to dwell on the negative instead of the positive, if you believe yourself to be suffering from low self esteem it is nothing more than a trick of the subconscious mind. So your own personal development depends upon you, really, getting real. You’re going to have to dig deep to find the real you, beyond the resident thoughts that have given you an unreal impression of yourself and your true capabilities.

However, digging deep won’t call for major self-analysis – it doesn’t require you to wallow in the events of a past long gone – after all, these are events, irrelevant to the present, to which you should stop paying attention. On the contrary, you need to pay attention to what’s really happening today – the present moment, the here and now where life is lived. If you don’t, you’re going to miss the only show in town, your life is drifting slowly away. It is in the present moment that you find reality – and it is in the calm of a mind that is no longer obsessed with old snapshots that you will find the real you.

The real you simply doesn’t have the perceived weaknesses or, indeed, perceived strengths, that you thought were you. You don’t need self improvement because the real you has an inner strength that, when applied to the present moment, can achieve anything your heart desires. As I said, you come to know the real you in the peace and quiet of a calm, clear, focused mind. You focus your mind by coming to your senses – by using all five senses to fully experience and appreciate the present moment, free from the veil of useless resident thought that has, up to now, given you no more than an incorrect impression of the present moment. Therefore, if you really want to build self esteem, you really do have to get real in the only place that you’ll find reality – here and now.

The Secret To Self Esteem is a post from: Self Improvement Made Easy

What you think about what’s happening is based on your “stored knowledge” – let’s see how that works. Joe at work asks you to do something that’ll take fifteen minutes. When he asks, his voice is “raw data” to your ears. You make sense of that raw data by using your stored knowledge – stuff that you learned during your formative years. This “knowledge” has nothing to do with the current situation. Be that as it may, you automatically use your stored knowledge to make sense of the raw data – and, as a result, make nonsense of it. As a consequence, you think that Joe has it in for you and is deliberately trying to ruin your day – this may be the farthest thing from the truth but this doesn’t matter to what you do next.

You’ve concluded that Joe has it in for you and your subconscious mind knows exactly how to react – because it’s been reacting to “threats” since some bully upset you in the schoolyard when you were six! Your subconscious mind doesn’t see Joe – it sees that bully. As a result you react – your mind starts working overtime concocting ideas and responses that stress you out – ranging “Now my day’s messed up” to “I hate my job”. Rather than just doing what you were asked to do and then getting on with the rest of your day, your own mind disables you – you can’t do what you’ve been asked to do to the best of your ability, you waste time and energy being annoyed and mess up your own day. This is the chain reaction that takes place every time we encounter anything and anybody – some encounters turn us on, some lead to stress.

But it can be completely different – you can live a life with no more stress. You can choose to focus on what’s really happening instead of letting your reactive mind ruin your life. It’s up to you. But, like all skills that you want to develop, you’re going to have to train yourself – and the last place that you train is in the middle of the game – you can’t start training when someone’s on your case, you’ve got to get fit before you go into battle. Focusing on what is really going on is easy – you’ve five senses use them! In other words, sit with your eyes closed and you’ll notice that someone’s turned up the volume! But no one hasThey haven’t, of course, it’s just that you’re more tuned in. You might hear a bird singing – your automatic reaction will be “That’s a bird, I know birds, I’m bored, I’ll let my mind wander” – this is the mental recklessness that leads to stress. Don’t jump to the pre-learned conclusion – just be still and listen – and you’ll begin to hear a whole heap more. By breaking the link between what you’re sensing and what you think is happening, you’ve become aware. Practicing this will enable you to stop jumping to the normal reactive conclusions that your subconscious mind has been jumping to all your adult life. In other words, the next time that you think that someone is on your case you can see it for real – perhaps just a minor irritation that, like everything else in life, will pass.

How To Cope With Stress is a post from: Self Improvement Made Easy

During the day I’d be like ‘lalalala i’m having so much fun not doing anything…’

Then when i go to sleep I just break down and cry… "OMG I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING I’M GOING TO FAIL!!!!"

okay cya guys going to do some serious cramming.

Does the consequence of procrastination gets to you at night? is a post from: Self Improvement Made Easy

Ok this is for all you psychologists out there. I’ve managed to identify the cause of my procrastination, lack of consequence or lack of initiative (however you want to look at it). I guess that I’ve grown used to the idea of having very visible consequences and without it I slack off. Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome this? Cause sometimes I motivate myself, but that drops off after 2 or 3 days.

i seriously need help with my procrastination? is a post from: Self Improvement Made Easy

We’ve all become so used to today’s ever increasing challenges that we rarely become aware of when the heat is turned up. And when we are no longer able to cope with the pace of these escalating pressures, we experience negative emotions, which, in turn increases our stress level. While the detrimental effects of stress are well-recognized, it’s surprising that many people don’t recognize they are experiencing negative emotions, which, in turn, elevate their stress.

Beth’s Story:

Because she worked in a technical area , Beth, one of my EI workshop participants, couldn’t imagine that EI could be important to people’s performance. The concept seemed unbelievable. In addition to her profession’s[s/pin] extremely analytical nature, the organizational culture reinforced the concept that emotions played no role in her work. Beth also carried this belief over into her personal life. During our goal-setting interview at the start of the workshop, Beth indicated that she was not aware of her emotions and they couldn’t possibly be of any consequence to her work. Beth also indicated that her co-workers were difficult to work with. Because she was disconnected from her emotions, Beth did not realize the emotional affect she had on co-workers. In addition, Beth’s boss felt that she was at the bottom of all her problems. He perceived that Beth’s difficulties were a result of her insensitivity to others, distant behavior and lack of emotional self-awareness.

As a result of the program, Beth began to practice the simple, proven EI techniques she learned in order to become more aware of her emotions. Beth and I met for her first coaching session. Tearfully, Beth shared that she now understood that she did have feelings and those emotions that were negative were negatively impacting her relationships both at home and at work. Beth realized that when she distanced herself, her co-workers felt that she was unapproachable. Beth shared her insight with her boss, in confidence. Before this conversation Beth’s boss was not aware that she had no idea about her behavior and its effect on others. With this new insight, Beth’s boss was more disposed to supporting and listening to her.

Beth’s experience is not uncommon. Many of us go about our daily lives lacking an awareness of our emotions and how our emotions might be impacting our relationships. Our culture seems to be predisposed to disregarding emotions. We tend to be more focused on getting the work done. We seem to be unaware that disregarding emotions can negatively affect our productivity and effectiveness.

Without the awareness of the critical importance of emotions, we lack insight into how our negative responses to events, situations and people are affecting us and those around us. Our negative emotions can spark upwards of 1400 biochemical events, some of which result in physiological changes such as increased adrenaline, heart rate, blood pressure and cortisol (the stress hormone). These events negatively impact our physical energy, mental clarity and personal effectiveness. Experiencing these negative emotions can cause us to be highly reactive, displaying behaviors such as anger and defensiveness which may cause others to avoid us. And when others view us as unapproachable, we can loose their valuable help, insights and suggestions.

Where Do You Start?

Start by becoming aware of when you are experiencing negative emotions. List those times and the events both at work and at home when you notice those negative emotions. For example, you may feel depressed knowing you’ll have to work late every night this week. Or you may feel frustrated that a deadline is shortened. Or you might experience anxiety when your boss approaches you about a particular project. Identifying and listing these situations helps you become aware of those things that trigger negative emotions.

Next, develop an emotional vocabulary by naming the emotions the identified triggers evoke. As the occasion permits expand your vocabulary and include positive emotions you experience during fun times. You will start to become more emotionally self-aware as you recognize and name the emotions you are experiencing. Over time, notice where you are expending most of your emotional energy. When you find yourself feeling negative emotions, use some simple, emotional management techniques, to transform those emotions into positive, productive energy.

About the Author

Byron Stock, a former engineer and director of corporate education has focused in the area of Emotional Intelligence Competence for over a decade. He guides individuals and organizations toward excellence by helping them improve their EI as a powerful tool to lead change, achieve strategic objectives and create resilient, high performing organizational cultures. Learn about Byron’s quick, easy, proven techniques to harness the power of your Emotional Intelligence in his new book, SMART EMOTIONS for Busy Business People available through his website www.ByronStock.com

Emotional Intelligence Training: The Value Of Developing A Solid Base Of Emotional Self-Awareness is a post from: Self Improvement Made Easy

I need personal examples here people! Thanks.

What was your biggest consequence for procrastination? is a post from: Self Improvement Made Easy